


The Romanov Revelation

by follow_the_sun, robyngoodfellow



Series: Team Stego Adjacent [1]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Drunk Bet, Drunk Texting, Gen, M/M, Natasha is Anastasia, Ridiculous, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-15
Updated: 2016-11-15
Packaged: 2018-08-31 03:31:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8561917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/follow_the_sun/pseuds/follow_the_sun, https://archiveofourown.org/users/robyngoodfellow/pseuds/robyngoodfellow
Summary: A History Channel Documentary about the lost Princess Anastasia leads to some drunken shenanigans, and a revelation. All hail the queen.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This exists because of a real text conversation between the two of us.
> 
> Also: Yes, I know they found Anastasia's remains in 1997. No, I don't care. Natasha = Anastasia has always been one of my headcannons, mainly because of the surname.

**Clint Barton** : Steve  
Steve  
STEVE

☆ **Steve Rogers** ☆: What?

 **Clint Barton** : What do you remember about the Bolshevik Revolution?

☆ **Steve Rogers** ☆: Clint, just because I’m old doesn’t mean I remember every historical event  
That happened in 1918  
I was literally an infant  
I’m going to regret asking this, but: why?

 **Clint Barton** : 1918. Thanks! I knew you’d know.  
Nerd.

 **Clint Barton** : Bruce my man, how fast can you do a DNA test?

 **Bruce Banner** : Clint, do you know what time it is?

 **Clint Barton** : This is ugrent  
We have a DNS sample you need to test ASPA  
It’s for a bet

 **Bruce Banner** : Are you drunk?

 **Clint Barton** : No  
Maybe  
Yes  
Aaaaaand we might sort of be in the Kremlin.

 **Tony Stark** : WTF guys.

 **Clint Barton** : Has anyone seen the artist’s reconstruction of Adult Princess Anastasia? So… am I the only person that sees the resemblance? 

**Tony Stark** : WELL NOT ANYMORE 

**Bruce Banner** : I want supporting data! 

**Clint Barton** : We were watching a documentary on History channel.  
And then they showed the picture.  
And you know the Red Room experiments on her made her age slow, right? 

★ **Bucky Barnes** ★: Yeah. That seems to be going around. 

**Clint Barton** : And they didn’t find the whole family’s remains. 

**Bruce Banner** : What does Natasha say?

 **Natasha Romanoff** : Did the last name not tip you off?

 **Tony Stark** : It would explain your fatalism about regimes falling.

★ **Bucky Barnes** ★: The Soviets would’ve appreciated the irony of using the heir to the throne as a weapon of the state.  
So would Hydra.

☆ **Steve Rogers** ☆: Especially Hydra.

 **Clint Barton** : There's still money held in trust in a Swiss bank I think. She’s got a nest egg no one would imagine she'd ever think to use. 

**Natasha Romanoff** : All I'd have to do would be to walk in with my birth certificate.

 **Clint Barton** : Which she obviously stole from her handlers a lifetime ago.

 **Bruce Banner** : And demand a DNA test. That explains that.

 **Natasha Romanoff** : I blew all my covers. But I’ve always had one in reserve.

 **Tony Stark** : And she'd be entitled to all of the money held in escrow, and could sue Russia for any property seized by the USSR.

 **Bruce Banner** : Test’s done.  
Confirmed  
DNA Match

 **Natasha Romanoff** : Thanks Bruce!

 **Bruce Banner** : I probably don’t want to know, but who won the bet?

 **Clint Barton** : WE ALL DID!!!!  
AHHAHAHAHAHAHA  
Wish you guys were here. :D

 **Tony Stark** : Wow! I want to know how that conversation went!

 **Clint Barton** : "I want my house back assholes. "  
"But it's a museum!"  
"Then I want 100 years of back rent. With Interest!"

 **Tony Stark** : (;_;)

 **Clint Barton** : “Also, you killed my family, and I own this country. Suck it up, I'm a princess.”

 **Tony Stark** : Prepare to die!

☆ **Steve Rogers** ☆: I got that reference! 

**Natasha Romanoff** : Actually, it’s Grand Duchess.

 **Bruce Banner** : Tony just bought her a tiara on the internet 

**Tony Stark** : I bought her HER tiara. And commissioned the dress they have in that animated movie.

 **Natasha Romanoff** : And a big fur coat?

 **Tony Stark** : Buy your own damned coat.  
Can I still call you Nat? Or do I have to call you Your Highness?

 **Anastasia Romanova** : Its Imperial Majesty to you, peasant. I'm an Empress.

 **Clint Barton** : Adopt me?!?!?! 

**Anastasia Romanova** : Maybe.

★ **Bucky Barnes** ★: [Swearing in Russian]

 **Anastasia Romanova** : Barnes, you can be head of the imperial guard. There's a hat.

★ **Bucky Barnes** ★: One of those furry ones? Sold.

 **Anastasia Romanova** : Your first imperial order is to maintain friendly relations with America. Very Friendly. 

☆ **Steve Rogers** ☆: ?!?

★ **Bucky Barnes** ★: Yes, my liege! <3 

**Anastasia Romanova** : To the bedroom! For the motherland! 

★ **Bucky Barnes** ★: The things I do for my country.

☆ **Steve Rogers** ☆: Buck! You’re American!

 **Tony Stark** : ♫you can leave your hat on♫ 

**Clint Barton** : Ha! "Close your eyes and think of Russia."  
Okay, according to Wikipedia she's been canonized by the Russian Orthodox Church. 

**Tony Stark** : Oh I bet you LOVE that your majesty.

 **Anastasia Romanova** \ &&&/: New rule. Everyone is allowed to call me Your Imperial Majesty. Except Tony. He’s required to call me Your Holiness. ;)

 **Tony Stark** : How does Thor feel about this?

 **Thor** : MAN OF IRON, DID YOU BELIEVE I WOULD ABSENT MYSELF FROM SO GREAT A VENTURE?

 **Clint Barton** : His mead is very insth…  
Inspr  
Information  
FUCK YOU AUTOCORRECT!  
Inspirational.

 **Anastasia Romanova** \ &&&/: Clint is lying.  
He’s had one Moscow Mule.  
ONE.

 **Tony Stark** : (;_;)

 **Clint Barton** : You said it was Asgardian MEAD.

 **Anastasia Romanova** \ &&&/: I LIED.

 **Tony Stark** : (;_;) (;_;) (;_;)

 **Clint Barton** : I have a questhtion  
If Thor is a prince and Natashastasia is an Empress  
Does she outrank him?

 **Bruce Banner** : Technically, yes.

 **Tony Stark** : TECHNICALLY, Thor’s a god.

 **Anastasia Romanova** \ &&&/: ACTUALLY a Saint.

☆ **Steve Rogers** ☆: Don’t you have to be dead to be canonized?

 **Clint Barton** : Have I got a story to tell you about Budapest...


End file.
